I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
