I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i believe in u and ur pee
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
