I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
