I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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