Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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