she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
