why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
