I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
