A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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