Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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