Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
