I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
