How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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