I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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