38 yer olds are good kisserssss
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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