Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
