I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
