Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
