its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
