Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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