Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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