she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
