So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
