just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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