And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
