I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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