I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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