My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
