Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
