you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
