If i could tip my vagina, i would.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
