I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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