I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
