You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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