I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
