i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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