So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
