My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
