I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
