i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
