You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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