this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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