If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
