He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
