dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
