I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
