I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
