Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
the liver wants what the liver wants
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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