we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
