i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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